Love Story

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A new kind of parenting class

I have recently joined a new networking site that is just for moms (I know, like I need another reason to be on the computer:). There are a lot of women on there who are new moms to young children and are venting about there marriage. I see a lot of anger from women who are exhausted and overwhelmed and feel like they aren't being understood by their husbands. By what they write, I see husband's who feel neglected and pushed away by their wives. Men who are still trying to be who they used to be when their life has obviously changed in a big way.

Don't so many couples go through this when they first have children? That initial shock to the family dynamic. It goes from being a two person household where each person has a certain amount of freedom to do whatever they want at any given time. There is endless alone time for the twosome. Now there is this new little person whose demands must be met and who makes alone time nearly impossible. Priorities change, freedom is at least temporarily lost, it is no longer about the marriage. I can see why it is so easy for many to crumble under this difficult situation. I can honestly say that the roughest time in our marriage came during the time our sons were first born. I think any existing communication problems are magnified when you have a baby. All the selfishness you still have now effects things in a major way. I know that I was still so selfish in our marriage until recently. And I think the kids are what really brought that to light and helped me realize where I needed to change. We both had to change.

What I wonder is why they don't make this a part of the pregnancy process. We read every book on what is going on in our body while we are pregnant, how to prepare our homes for this new little person, how to care for a new born. We take a 6 week class to prepare us for 1 day of labor. But what do we do to prepare couples for the change a baby will create in their relationship? I think that this should be a top priority. So many marriages end because people stop putting time into each other and soley focus on the kids. They never work out that communication that can break down once a baby enters the picture. I think it would be worthwhile to start making this a part of the education that takes place when preparing for a baby. It definitely would be more valuable and lasting information then much of the other stuff we bother to learn during that time.

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