I had said meltdown last night. Fortunately not taking it out on my children, which I hate to admit does happen from time to time, but instead in the form of losing it in front of my husband. The whole self-deprecating speal, with tears of course, about how I am a failure and not cutting it and can't do what other moms/wives seem to be able to do. Of course my husband being the amazing man he is and having been subjected to such tirades for the past 7 and 1/2 years, knew exactly what to do. First he tried countering my negativity by telling me all the things I DO get done and that I shouldn't compare myself to others and that I don't give myself enough credit. This didn't work to calm me down but it is always nice to hear that he feels that way. He then did the thing that always makes the biggest difference and asked, "What do you need me to do?" These seven words are always enough to bring me down from my ledge. It is like in a movie when someone is threatening to jump, and you know they don't really want to, and someone peeks their head out of the window to talk them down. Just having that support and knowing someone is there for you can be enough to change the situation.
In talking through the things that I needed help with to feel like I could get done what I wanted to and attempt to be the person I want to be, we came up with some good stuff. He has also been great at reminding me that I always feel this way when we have a baby in the house and that this too shall pass. He is right. I wish I didn't need such frequent reminders lately but that is why I am so glad he is here. I can't even begin to imagine trying to walk this road all by myself. More than being for me in that moment, as if that wasn't enough, he is
I wish I could say I was perfect. But I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone on this imperfect journey. Here's hoping the next mommy meltdown is miles away!