Love Story

Monday, August 16, 2010

Letting life happen

This weekend we received a letter from our son's preschool. He was to be starting his first year in September but it turns out the program did not get enough interest and they weren't going to be able to keep it going. My initial reaction was shock. Then anger and frustration. Finally the worrying set in. How were we going to get him into a school this late in the game? What weighed even heavier on my heart was how were we going to tell him? He has been psyched about starting preschool since we signed him up in March. Many of his strides in potty training (wiping himself, standing to pee, putting back on his own pants and underwear) were because he wanted to be ready for preschool. He has talked about it nonstop and I did not want to break his little heart.

In the midst of all this emotion I stopped to pray. My favorite verse to pray when I am worried is Matthew 6:25-27. I realized that this too is a minor bump in the road and that I needed to put it in God's hands. Jeremy and I discussed it at length and decided that I would just home school him for preschool. He is a very independent learner and I don't worry at all about him being prepared for kindergarten academically. The one area I do worry about is socially. I always said that if I stayed home with my kids I would put them in preschool so they could get used to another adult's authority and interacting with other kids. So we decided to use the money we put away for this year of school and sign him up for extracurricular activities. He is starting Soccer Tots in September and we are looking into Karate. We definitely plan to do swim lessons as that was going to be something he learned at preschool and we want him to learn to swim as he is seriously fearless when it comes to the water. That combined with his weekly classroom experience at church makes me feel good about the social aspect of things.

I still feel bad having to break the news to him. He will be bummed. But we are going to soften the blow by taking him shopping for his very own school supplies. Believe me, he will love this! He is a little nerd like me and when we were filling backpacks for our church he went crazy over the school supplies. I am also going to make a routine for school time. He likes things structured and I think making it as much like school as possible will be good for him. I am planning to use this curriculum (recommended by one of my friends and a fellow blogger) and am thrilled that it is Christian based. It also includes two workbooks so Jordan can join in if he wants to.

After having worked this all out I feel such peace about this change. It is not what I had originally planned. It wasn't my first choice. But it feels right. I can see that this could be a huge blessing in our home. I get more time with my boys and I think that getting to spend the time teaching them will feel amazing. My degree is in teaching and I always thought I would focus more time on the boys' learning. I teach them a lot but it has never been a focused thing and I have kind of felt guilty about that. Not because anyone has made me to feel that way, it has just been a self-induced guilt. This is Nathan's last year at home full time before school starts so I am going to soak it up. I know that I am lucky to have this option of being home with my kids and teaching them myself. Not everyone has that option so for that I am thankful. I am sure this will have its ups and downs but I am choosing not to worry. God's word reminds me that I don't have to!

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