Motherhood is a curse

Yup, you read that right. I said motherhood is a curse. Shocked? Did you expect that sentence to end on a more positive note - like say, with a word like blessing? If you know me, you know that I believe that. That motherhood is a blessing. It is an amazing gift and one I am fortunate to have experienced 5 times over. And having experienced it I can also confidently say that my first statement is also accurate. Motherhood IS a curse. It also causes you to curse..but I digress.

I can give you some pretty solid reasons why I think this to be true but let's just go straight to the source. Genesis 3:16 says, "To the woman he said,"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children.Your desire will be for your husband,and he will rule over you." God told us that our curse for disobeying Him by eating from the tree of knowledge would be pain during childbirth. And what is a result of childbirth? Children. And motherhood. While all great sources of joy they can also be great sources of pain. And the kicker is that God designed it that way. At first it's enough to make you shake your fist toward the heavens but when you stop and spend some time looking into it more, it makes sense and I am quickly reminded why God is God and I am not.

Let's look at a man's part of this curse - he is cursed with laboring the land. What was once supposed to be a haven, a place for man to rest and be fulfilled became a constant source of turmoil and back breaking work after Adam disobeyed God. They must work to eat, work to live, work to provide for their families. Men are to faithfully and obediently serve God through their work. In that same way, we as mothers are afflicted by bearing children. The misery of pregnancy, the threat of miscarriage, the agony of birth and all of the tribulations of child rearing. It's enough to make you wonder why we bother! We bother because it is one way to faithfully and obediently serve God.

I don't know about the rest of you but I know I have learned so much since having my children. It revealed things to me I couldn't have seen without first becoming a mother. It has given me so much insight on my own parents. My relationship with my kids has also given me a glimpse of who God is and how He feels about us. It made me look harder at myself and taught me so much about what I want in this life and what is truly important. It also points a big fat blinking light-up sign at all my insecurities and weaknesses. I have never felt so incompetent in my life! But through that weakness and insecurity I have been forced to lean not on my own understanding but to instead trust God in everything. To let Him come through for my children where I cannot. It's not easy (hence the pain part of it all!) to realize I am not ultimately in control, and that I don't have all the answers, that they aren't even mine to try to control in the first place.

It is hard work. I would say harder than laboring the land, but these kinds of discussions can start World War 3 (at least in our house) so I will keep from comparing the two. It requires dying to self in so many ways. Truly a curse! But within that curse is the opportunity for so much blessing. When we choose to live out motherhood in a way that glorifies God we not only receive His blessings in our own lives, but we have the opportunity to spill that over into our kids' lives as well. What an awesome responsibility! One that can easily become a chore if I don't remind myself of what it's really all about. Lately I have needed that reminder which is why I think God planted the seed for this post. Maybe someone reading this needed that reminder too. I think that one of the devil's greatest tools is isolation. He makes us feel as if we are the only one struggling in this particular way and this can leave you feeling lonely, ashamed, and unworthy. What a lie! If this is speaking to you, know that you aren't alone and that it isn't all for waste. There is a purpose in what you do and it is not supposed to be easy on our own. I encourage you to form relationships with other moms where you can be encouraged and supported on your journey. I also encourage you to give the burden over to God and let him carry it for you. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 11:29-30, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Motherhood is a curse but it is also a huge blessing and my prayer is that you can see the blessing in it today.

The Not-So-Perfect Mom

It was one of those days. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. There was no hectic addition to our schedule. Actually, we didn't even go anywhere today or get out of our pajamas for that matter. Nonetheless, it was one of those days that as I was tucking the boys in for bed I found myself having to apologize for being such a grumpy mom.

I hate grumpy mom days! In my head I always see myself as a mom who is patient and loving and always makes time to listen to and play with her kids, never raising my voice. In reality, while I want to be that mom, there are days where I am far from it. I have talked before about being a Crabby Mom and my Mommy Meltdown (man, starting to notice a trend here...) and here I am once again needing to get it off my chest. While I know it is so perfectly normal to have these days, I still feel guilt when I let my emotions get the better of me. I could list the excuses - it's extra hot today, I have the cold that everyone else passed around first, husband has been working extra hours - but ultimately it doesn't mean anything. We all have stressors,  we all have reasons to explain why we don't give our best. But they really don't matter.

So what does matter? I think how I chose to react once I realized the day I had created. By apologizing to my kids I took a negative and made it into the best positive I could. I showed them that we all make mistakes (even Mom...GASP!) and that the proper way to handle a mistake is to ask for forgiveness, right any wrongs, and make an effort not to make that mistake again. I also asked my sons to pray for me, demonstrating what it looks like to ask for prayer and giving specifics of what I needed prayer for. Of course being the amazing little people they are they automatically forgave me and were happy to pray with their mama. They are such awesome gifts!

While I may not be the perfect mom, I know that God can use me in my imperfection and so I try to embrace that on my not-so-good days. And then I get up tomorrow and try to do better than I did today. That's really all any of us can do. Hope you can relate to this and maybe even share what it looks like on your not so great days. One of the things I love most in times like this is getting to draw from other moms who get it and are able to not only relate but provide some wisdom. Feel free to do just that and while your at it, if you'd be so kind, maybe say a little prayer for me {and yourself if you are having one of those days} that God will help me wake up tomorrow with the proper perspective, a loving and patient heart for my children, and the desire to do better.

They were right...life ISN'T fair!!

The older I get and the more children I have, the more I realize that my parents were right. About most everything! If only I would have really listened to them then. It seems like when you are at the age to absorb and make use of the words of wisdom older people impart on you, you are completely incapable of doing it. I already think of all the things I am going to tell my children to make their lives easier, knowing all the while that they won't listen until they have learned it for themselves. So goes the circle of life!

I was thinking today about how once you become a mom life changes in so many more ways then anyone tells you. Well, had I listened to my mom while growing up I would know, but as previously mentioned I was incapable with my stupid teenage mind. So it all feels like brand new to me. Like, I knew I wouldn't get much sleep, my time wouldn't be my own, my priorities would change. This I knew going into it. I didn't fully get it, but I knew. What I didn't really realize is that as a mom, and a wife actually, you lose the ability to give in to whatever you are feeling. Sure some moms do, but I'm talking about if you actually want things to go smoothly.

For example: lately I have not been able to sleep through an entire night. I would say in the last 6 weeks I slept completely through the night once. A big contributing factor is that I am now 22 weeks pregnant and having to pee several times. But another factor is my children. My 2 year old has taken to waking up crying once or twice in the middle of the night and requiring my attention. Then my 3 year old is up by 5:45 like clockwork each day. Now he gets brother up too and they cause all kinds of nonsense so I can't really sleep too soundly once they are up. Anyone who has gone for periods of time with low quality sleep knows that it begins to wear on you. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I am at the point where I get up in the morning and want to cry because I am so tired. Then I am faced with whatever mess my children have already made at that early hour. The day continues with two little people demanding constant attention usually communicating this by whining and flailing themselves around like a fish out of water (what is that about anyway?). Not only that but this tired cranky combination makes it hard to find any motivation to get the stuff around the house done like I should. So guilt starts to creep in. I feel like a crazy mess!

This brings me to the part of not being able to give into your feelings if you want the household to go smoothly. See my brain tells me "these children are the reason you are so tired and cranky, of course you are going to be a little more short with them then usual, of course housework can wait when you feel like a walking zombie." In my mind I know I am justified. My kids act in whatever manner suits their current emotional state. For that matter, so does my husband. But if I do, if I give in to that urge to act in the way I feel like I should, things would fall apart. As these last few days have gotten the best of me I see my children start to fall apart too. My crankiness has warn off on them and they are beginning to whine and fight on a nearly constant basis. And neglecting housework only means there is more for me to face tomorrow, which makes me even crankier. So the only real solution is to suck it up. To dig down deep and find that patience with my children that makes the day go smoothly and allows me to be around them without wanting to strangle them. To trudge through the housework, even if at a slower pace, so that it doesn't become unbearable at the end of the week. This way of thinking, this is not me. Not the me I grew up being. This is the mom in me. Because you see as soon as those little people entered the world they took a piece of me with them. The piece that is allowed to act on whatever I am feeling. That was replaced with a never ending quest to make life peaceful at all costs.  It may not be fair, but it's life. My life anyway. And as I have come to realize now that I am actually capable of listening, this is the life my mom and many other moms know too.

In a way it makes me proud. I have joined the club...that club that most women become a part of. I guess the true triumph will be when I learn to do it happily and not out of obligation. The ultimate goal is to not let it make me bitter but to let it make me stronger. I also hold onto the hope that one day it will all be worth it and I will hear my children say, "you were so right!" and "now I get it!".  I have a feeling that with all boys this day may not come as soon as it would with girls. Men always take longer to get it. But still I will pray that it comes!