It was one of those days. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. There was no hectic addition to our schedule. Actually, we didn't even go anywhere today or get out of our pajamas for that matter. Nonetheless, it was one of those days that as I was tucking the boys in for bed I found myself having to apologize for being such a grumpy mom.
I hate grumpy mom days! In my head I always see myself as a mom who is patient and loving and always makes time to listen to and play with her kids, never raising my voice. In reality, while I want to be that mom, there are days where I am far from it. I have talked before about being a Crabby Mom and my Mommy Meltdown (man, starting to notice a trend here...) and here I am once again needing to get it off my chest. While I know it is so perfectly normal to have these days, I still feel guilt when I let my emotions get the better of me. I could list the excuses - it's extra hot today, I have the cold that everyone else passed around first, husband has been working extra hours - but ultimately it doesn't mean anything. We all have stressors, we all have reasons to explain why we don't give our best. But they really don't matter.
So what does matter? I think how I chose to react once I realized the day I had created. By apologizing to my kids I took a negative and made it into the best positive I could. I showed them that we all make mistakes (even Mom...GASP!) and that the proper way to handle a mistake is to ask for forgiveness, right any wrongs, and make an effort not to make that mistake again. I also asked my sons to pray for me, demonstrating what it looks like to ask for prayer and giving specifics of what I needed prayer for. Of course being the amazing little people they are they automatically forgave me and were happy to pray with their mama. They are such awesome gifts!
While I may not be the perfect mom, I know that God can use me in my imperfection and so I try to embrace that on my not-so-good days. And then I get up tomorrow and try to do better than I did today. That's really all any of us can do. Hope you can relate to this and maybe even share what it looks like on your not so great days. One of the things I love most in times like this is getting to draw from other moms who get it and are able to not only relate but provide some wisdom. Feel free to do just that and while your at it, if you'd be so kind, maybe say a little prayer for me {and yourself if you are having one of those days} that God will help me wake up tomorrow with the proper perspective, a loving and patient heart for my children, and the desire to do better.
Showing posts with label teachable moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teachable moments. Show all posts
Monday, August 6, 2012
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Helping your child develop a servant's heart
This is a typical scene in our house: I call my 3 darling boys into the kitchen for snack and they all but barrel each other over to get there first. Then a mess of hands are waving in my face in hopes that that might some how win them a granola bar before one of their brothers. Or how about this daily occurrence - We get home from wherever our day has taken us. The older two boys start running the minute their feet hit the grass. We then hear whoever gets to the door first (usually the oldest since he does move at a much more rapid pace then our much smaller middle child) yell triumphantly, "I was first, I was first! That means I win and you LOSE!!"
What is it about kids that makes them think first is best? That everything is a race and that whoever is first is the winner? I don't think this is just my kids. I hope not at least! While I realize that this is completely "normal", it certainly isn't a characteristic I want to foster. It can't be possible to grow into a kind, generous, giving person if you continue to think of yourself first and do whatever it takes to beat the other guys. So how do we help our kids go from this state of me, me, me to a place of serving others?
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10
A servant's heart isn't something we are born with. Not initially. Maybe it's a survival thing - babies HAVE to be demanding to get their needs met so they can survive and thrive. Maybe it's an environmental thing - a kid's first handful of words often includes the ever popular mine as a way of asserting ownership and dominance over anyone else who might dare lay hands on their coveted blankie or stuffed animal. Before you know it the teenage years have hit and Lord knows teenagers can't see 6 inches outside of themselves. It's not their fault, what with all those hormones bouncing around it's really a wonder they can accomplish anything! For some it doesn't get much better in adulthood - I know several grown-ups who have a case of "see it, take it, and I make it mine" (any Elmo in Grouchland watchers out there??) that has carried over from childhood.
Turn my heart towards your statutes and not towards selfish gain. Psalm 119:36
Despite what seems to come naturally, we are called to serve others as a service to God. And that means as parents we are called to teach our kids how to serve as well. How do you do that exactly? I don't have all the answers but I will share what we are doing in our house.
"...But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15
Leading by example
You have all heard the old adage, "Do as I do, not as I say!" All of us with kids know all to well that children are far more likely to follow our example than follow our words. That is why it is important that our first method of teaching our kids how to have servant's hearts is to have a heart for serving ourselves. My husband and I make an effort to not only serve when the opportunity arises, but also to create opportunities for our entire family to take part in serving. Even if that means they come along as we bring a meal to a family in need. This simple act creates a teachable moment where we can talk to them about giving what we have even when it doesn't seem like much and how God blesses others through our willingness to give.
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12
Giving opportunities to practice
I think it has been pretty well established that this servant's heart thing doesn't come naturally. That means that it is going to take a lot of intentional practice to help our kids get to a place where it begins to become natural. One way we have recently begun to give our children a way to practice serving is by setting the table. As they begin to take each cup and plate to the table we make sure to remind them to serve everyone at the table before serving themselves. The first few times this is all we said. After several times of doing this we made a point to talk about why we do that. We told our kids that when we are serving, we are putting others before ourselves. This has begun to lay the foundation for when the opportunity to serve someone else naturally presents itself. We can then say, "You know how when we serve dinner we serve everyone at the table before ourselves? This is just like that."
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
Pray for them and with them
Let's not forget one of the most powerful tools that we as Christian parents possess - the power of prayer. By praying for our children daily, we are not only remembering to give their lives to God but we are also keeping them in the forefront of our minds. It's much easier to be intentional about something you are praying about. I like to pray that God not only gives my children a servant's heart, but that he gives me the tools to parent them in a way that helps develop that. Not only do we pray for our children but we pray with our children. Often. Yes, we do the typical pray at meal times and bedtimes, but we also make an effort to pray throughout the day and whenever a need arises. In the car on the way to school we pray with our Kindergartener, that his day would go well, that he would choose to be kind to the other students and listen to his teacher. This helps set his day up for success and also teaches him to give everything to God in prayer. So if you see your child struggling with serving others (and you know these struggles will arise because I still have them as a 30 year old!) stop and pray with them. Don't know what to say? It might look something like this,
What is it about kids that makes them think first is best? That everything is a race and that whoever is first is the winner? I don't think this is just my kids. I hope not at least! While I realize that this is completely "normal", it certainly isn't a characteristic I want to foster. It can't be possible to grow into a kind, generous, giving person if you continue to think of yourself first and do whatever it takes to beat the other guys. So how do we help our kids go from this state of me, me, me to a place of serving others?
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10
A servant's heart isn't something we are born with. Not initially. Maybe it's a survival thing - babies HAVE to be demanding to get their needs met so they can survive and thrive. Maybe it's an environmental thing - a kid's first handful of words often includes the ever popular mine as a way of asserting ownership and dominance over anyone else who might dare lay hands on their coveted blankie or stuffed animal. Before you know it the teenage years have hit and Lord knows teenagers can't see 6 inches outside of themselves. It's not their fault, what with all those hormones bouncing around it's really a wonder they can accomplish anything! For some it doesn't get much better in adulthood - I know several grown-ups who have a case of "see it, take it, and I make it mine" (any Elmo in Grouchland watchers out there??) that has carried over from childhood.
Turn my heart towards your statutes and not towards selfish gain. Psalm 119:36
Despite what seems to come naturally, we are called to serve others as a service to God. And that means as parents we are called to teach our kids how to serve as well. How do you do that exactly? I don't have all the answers but I will share what we are doing in our house.
"...But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15
Leading by example
You have all heard the old adage, "Do as I do, not as I say!" All of us with kids know all to well that children are far more likely to follow our example than follow our words. That is why it is important that our first method of teaching our kids how to have servant's hearts is to have a heart for serving ourselves. My husband and I make an effort to not only serve when the opportunity arises, but also to create opportunities for our entire family to take part in serving. Even if that means they come along as we bring a meal to a family in need. This simple act creates a teachable moment where we can talk to them about giving what we have even when it doesn't seem like much and how God blesses others through our willingness to give.
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12
Giving opportunities to practice
I think it has been pretty well established that this servant's heart thing doesn't come naturally. That means that it is going to take a lot of intentional practice to help our kids get to a place where it begins to become natural. One way we have recently begun to give our children a way to practice serving is by setting the table. As they begin to take each cup and plate to the table we make sure to remind them to serve everyone at the table before serving themselves. The first few times this is all we said. After several times of doing this we made a point to talk about why we do that. We told our kids that when we are serving, we are putting others before ourselves. This has begun to lay the foundation for when the opportunity to serve someone else naturally presents itself. We can then say, "You know how when we serve dinner we serve everyone at the table before ourselves? This is just like that."
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
Pray for them and with them
Let's not forget one of the most powerful tools that we as Christian parents possess - the power of prayer. By praying for our children daily, we are not only remembering to give their lives to God but we are also keeping them in the forefront of our minds. It's much easier to be intentional about something you are praying about. I like to pray that God not only gives my children a servant's heart, but that he gives me the tools to parent them in a way that helps develop that. Not only do we pray for our children but we pray with our children. Often. Yes, we do the typical pray at meal times and bedtimes, but we also make an effort to pray throughout the day and whenever a need arises. In the car on the way to school we pray with our Kindergartener, that his day would go well, that he would choose to be kind to the other students and listen to his teacher. This helps set his day up for success and also teaches him to give everything to God in prayer. So if you see your child struggling with serving others (and you know these struggles will arise because I still have them as a 30 year old!) stop and pray with them. Don't know what to say? It might look something like this,
"Lord, you know Johnny's heart.
You know that he wants to follow you
and that following you means
putting others before ourselves.
Johnny is having a hard time with that right now.
We ask that you help him to
make the choice to serve others
even when it feels really hard.
We know that you can do this and we know that Johnny
can do this with your help.
In Jesus name, Amen."
After modeling this several times you will find that with prompting your child will be able to pray this for themselves. And the hope that is eventually it will become a response that doesn't even involve you anymore.
Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
I hope this gives you some ideas on how to help your child develop a servant's heart. As I said before, I am no expert. Just a mom doing the best I can and trying things out as I go. I would love to hear from you all on how you are making serving a priority in your kids (and your own!) lives. We all have something to gain from sharing our knowledge with each other.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Teachable moments
There are concepts and beliefs as a parent that we go out of your way to teach. Starting with little things like mama and dada and the ABC's and then moving into the big stuff like faith and what we stand for. We thoughtfully orchestrate moments that allow our little ones to learn without them even knowing it. Sitting down with connectable toys to teach the baby "in and out" which looks to him an awful lot like play time or grabbing a pencil and paper to help the oldest one write a letter to daddy which feels like a lot of fun because he's never done it before. Reading them Bible stories so that the word of God penetrates them while they are just excited to be read to. All of these moments accumulate over the days, weeks, and years to make up a lifetime of learning.
And then there are the moments we don't plan. When life presents itself in an unexpected manner and you grab onto the opportunity and make a learning experience out of it. In elementary education we called this a teachable moment. These don't just happen in the classroom, these happen in your home as well and as a parent I take advantage of that whenever I can.
Today just such a moment presented itself. Late last night my sister-in-law texted me to tell inform me that my 8-week old niece was in the er. As the night went on they discovered she had a severe UTI and would need to stay for observation. So this morning as I was easing into the day with my boys I took a moment to share with my 4 1/2 and 3 1/2 year old that their cousin was sick in the hospital and that we should take a moment to pray for her. Right then Nathan (the 4 year old) clasped his hands, shut his eyes and spoke a prayer out loud on Sienna's behalf. And then we went about our day. But as the day continued we learned that things were a little more serious and that baby Sienna has a benign tumor on one of her kidneys and will be needing surgery.
Now at this point I had some options in regards to what I would tell the boys. How much do you share with little ones in these situations? I am sure each of us would answer differently and it would depend on the kid but in my case I decided to fill them in on the basics of what was happening. I told the boys that Sienna had something that wasn't good for her in her stomach and that they were going to have to take it out by doing something called surgery. I explained that surgery meant they had to cut her open. Nathan says with big eyes, "But that will hurt her!" I said, "Yes, it will hurt. But it will make her better." Then he says, "But if they cut her open she will be broken forever." I stopped for a minute and then looked right in his eyes and told him that she won't be broken forever, that the doctors are there to help Sienna and that when they are done with the surgery they will fix her back up. I explained that we didn't need to worry but that instead we should pray. Pray for Sienna, and for the doctors, and for her mommy and daddy and sister so that they won't be scared. So we did. We prayed.
For some of you, this may be seem like too much information for children that are not even school-aged. But to me it felt like the right moment to teach them that sometimes things in life seem scary and we don't understand them but that we can trust God and turn to him in prayer. "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." (Psalm 56:3) I am thankful for moments like this - not because I want loved ones to be in the hospital but because they allow me to model my faith for my children. The more times I get the chance to do that, the more likely there will come a day that they are the ones suggesting we should pray instead of me. And on that day I will being doing cartwheels inside...just like when they first said mama and knew they were calling me and just like that first time they said their ABC's all by themselves. Because I will know they got it. Really got it. And I will be reminded of why I do what I do each day.
And then there are the moments we don't plan. When life presents itself in an unexpected manner and you grab onto the opportunity and make a learning experience out of it. In elementary education we called this a teachable moment. These don't just happen in the classroom, these happen in your home as well and as a parent I take advantage of that whenever I can.
Today just such a moment presented itself. Late last night my sister-in-law texted me to tell inform me that my 8-week old niece was in the er. As the night went on they discovered she had a severe UTI and would need to stay for observation. So this morning as I was easing into the day with my boys I took a moment to share with my 4 1/2 and 3 1/2 year old that their cousin was sick in the hospital and that we should take a moment to pray for her. Right then Nathan (the 4 year old) clasped his hands, shut his eyes and spoke a prayer out loud on Sienna's behalf. And then we went about our day. But as the day continued we learned that things were a little more serious and that baby Sienna has a benign tumor on one of her kidneys and will be needing surgery.
Now at this point I had some options in regards to what I would tell the boys. How much do you share with little ones in these situations? I am sure each of us would answer differently and it would depend on the kid but in my case I decided to fill them in on the basics of what was happening. I told the boys that Sienna had something that wasn't good for her in her stomach and that they were going to have to take it out by doing something called surgery. I explained that surgery meant they had to cut her open. Nathan says with big eyes, "But that will hurt her!" I said, "Yes, it will hurt. But it will make her better." Then he says, "But if they cut her open she will be broken forever." I stopped for a minute and then looked right in his eyes and told him that she won't be broken forever, that the doctors are there to help Sienna and that when they are done with the surgery they will fix her back up. I explained that we didn't need to worry but that instead we should pray. Pray for Sienna, and for the doctors, and for her mommy and daddy and sister so that they won't be scared. So we did. We prayed.
For some of you, this may be seem like too much information for children that are not even school-aged. But to me it felt like the right moment to teach them that sometimes things in life seem scary and we don't understand them but that we can trust God and turn to him in prayer. "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." (Psalm 56:3) I am thankful for moments like this - not because I want loved ones to be in the hospital but because they allow me to model my faith for my children. The more times I get the chance to do that, the more likely there will come a day that they are the ones suggesting we should pray instead of me. And on that day I will being doing cartwheels inside...just like when they first said mama and knew they were calling me and just like that first time they said their ABC's all by themselves. Because I will know they got it. Really got it. And I will be reminded of why I do what I do each day.
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