For those of you who missed it, I wrote a post awhile back called A Heart That Loves that is talking about the book I am reading in my Women's Bible Study group called A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George. This is a continuation of that post which is discussing having a heart for our husbands:
3. Prepare for Your Husband Daily - Preparing your husband's homecoming each day shows him that he's a priority and communicates your heart of love. Here are some ways she suggests preparing for your husband daily:
*The first part of this is preparing your house. Take a few minutes before he is set to get home to tidy up the strewn about toys, turn on some music, light a candle so that when he walks in the door he is greeted to an orderly and welcoming home.
*Prepare your appearance. If you knew company was dropping by on a given day you would be sure to freshen up. Shouldn't you do this same thing for your number one human priority? I know that I have been guilty numerous times of being in sweats with my hair all a mess and no make-up on my face when my husband walks in the door. This isn't how I would greet anyone else entering my house so I shouldn't do it to him either.
*Prepare your greeting. Most of our husbands have a schedule that allows us to know the approximate time he is getting home. His welcome home will be made so much sweeter if you are waiting for him when he arrives. Turn on the porch light, turn the tv off, prepare yourself and your kids to greet him warmly when he comes in that door. Again, this is an area where I am guilty of not putting proper effort into it. Because this can be a time of chaos with the kids and I am usually in the kitchen making dinner he often gets a quick glance and a nod from me if he is lucky. But I see him light up each time the kids barrel towards the door when he comes back from a long day at work. I can only imagine that it would also make him feel good to have that reaction from his wife.
*Clear out all visitors and stay off the phone. Your husband does not need to come home to a house full of noisy kids and other moms. He is going to want to be able to unwind and catch up with his family. This is why your phone calls should end well before he is set to arrive as well. Not only so you are able to greet him properly but also so that you don't have to rudely cut off the other person because of his arrival.
4. Please Your Husband - If you value your husband you will surely take delight in pleasing him. This means paying careful attention to his wants, his likes and his dislikes. This includes all things big and small. Some examples from our house: My husband likes the toilet paper to hang over the roll instead of under. Nothing he makes a big deal about but just a personal preference. So I make sure it is the way he likes it when I am changing the toilet paper rolls. One of the things he really enjoys to do in his free time is golfing. He has been begging me for years to go with him and for years I have said no because I have no interest in it. Reading this chapter really convicted me to change my heart and realize that this is something that is important to my husband so it should be important to me as well. This spring I am planning to hit the green and give this golfing thing a try. I am sure this will bring him much joy.
5. Protect Your Time with Your Husband - You make your husband your Number One human priority when you protect your time with him instead of treating him like a built-in babysitter and darting out the door as soon as he gets home. While time to yourself is important, you should take every opportunity you can to be with your husband when he is home. If that means running errands during the day so you are home with him at night then that is something you should strive to do. For us, we choose to run errands as a family. I have offered to do it alone but he likes us all to go together so we make it a family outing.
Before you agree to a commitment think about whether or not it will cut into time with your husband. Try if possible to schedule things when he is already going to be out of the house himself.
6. Physically Love Your Husband - 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
My husband was stoked for me to read this chapter! Seriously though, sex is such an important part of marriage and it is so easy for us to sometimes lose sight of that. Not only is it our duty as godly wives in that it meets our husbands needs and protects them from sinning due to lust and temptation, but it is a gift from God that we are to enjoy. We were lucky enough to be part of a Love and Respect class over the summer and one thing from that comes to my mind repeatedly. Imagine if your husband did not speak to you for 3 days or 3 weeks or even 3 months. I know I would DIE! This is because we as women need that communication to feel close to our husbands. Just as we need that, that is how they need sex. Really gave me something to think about.
7. Positively Respond to Your Husband - It is important that our husbands thoughts, decisions and words are greeted sweetly instead of met with resistance, negativism, or a lecture. This simple act of responding with "Sure" instead of "But what about this or why can't we do it like this?" can be the difference between power struggles and hurt feelings versus a peaceful conversation. When we start out the conversation with a positive response it opens the door to those follow up questions we may have, all the while being respectful and honoring our husbands initial request.
8. Praise Your Husband - One thing Elizabeth George says you should have on your "Never List" is to never speak critically or negatively about your husband to anyone. This not only damages the way others view your husband but it also damages the way YOU view your husband. If you find yourself about to speak critically of your husband stop and do these three things:
*Search your heart. Something is not right in your heart because a heart full of love does not gossip.
*Seek a solution. If a serious area of your husband's life need attention instead of putting him down, devote yourself to praying for him and if you need to bring it up to him do so after much preparation and with graciousness.
*Set a goal. Make a resolution no to speak destructively about your husband. Instead, you should try to practice taking up any opportunity you have to bless your husband in public. This is one way to sow seeds of love for him in your heart.
9. Pray Always - We begin with prayer, we end with prayer. Take every opportunity throughout the day to ask God to enable you to be the loving supportive wife he wants you to be.
I hope that this gives you all something to think about. I know for myself, there are a lot of areas where I am not being the kind of wife God wants me to be. Luckily, He is full of grace and allows us time to learn and grow. I am taking this information to heart and working at it a day at a time. I have a feeling these chapters will need to be read time and time again but I know that my husband will feel loved and appreciated as I continue to make an effort to love him like I should.
Showing posts with label A Woman After God's Own Heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A Woman After God's Own Heart. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
A Heart That Loves
I have been meaning to come back to write about last weeks study from the book A Woman After God's Own Heart but alas life has been busy and more time has passed then I intended. I last talked about the kind of wife I want to be and am wanting to continue to share the things revealed to me while reading this book and spending time with other women who are on this journey with me.
The two chapters we covered last week were called A Heart That Loves Part 1 and Part 2. So far these were my favorite chapters in the book. Author Elizabeth George first talks about deciding to make your husband your number one priority. This really struck home with me. I think that it is so easy at times to take for granted our husbands and put our efforts towards other relationships. Or worse yet, choose the advice, comfort or company of someone else over that of our husbands. Genesis 2:24 talks about how we are to leave our parents and cleave to our mate. Our husband should be our number one priority after God and the way we spend our time should reflect that.
We are also called to choose our husbands over all other human relationships. Including our children. I know this can sometimes be hard for a mother to grasp, especially when you have young children. The drive to nurture and care for these little people who are a part of us can sometimes out shadow the feeling to care for and love on our husbands. It is important to remember that these children wouldn't even exist without the relationship that first occurred between your husband and yourself. And one day when all the children are gone, you will find yourself in that place where you started. Just you and him. How foolish of us to neglect this important relationship that will continue on well past our child raising years!
Here is the part that made me fall in love with these two chapters. She lays out "nine tried-and-true ways to groom yourself in the fine art of showering your husband with friendship love." Doesn't get much easier than that! Okay, living it out can sometimes be hard but having this reminder sure does help:
1. Pray for Your Husband Daily - It is so important that we are lifting our spouse up in prayer. From his relationship with God, to his job, to his ministry involvements. Make this a priority. This goes for those of you with husbands who aren't Christians as well. God's role is to save your husband and your role is to pray fervently as you continue to love him and serve him. I love her point also that as you invest your time in praying for your husband you will notice your heart warming to him. It is really hard to be mad at someone you are praying for!
2. Plan For Your Husband Daily - To be that supportive wife God wants us to be, we must make a plan each day to do so. From planning special deeds of kindness to planning special dinners it is important that we consider our husbands needs and make an effort to meet them when possible. Last week I decided I would lighten Jeremy's load by running out all the trash and changing the cat litter so he wouldn't have to do it when he got home. He noticed right away and really appreciated what I had done for him which made me feel good as well!
For those of us with children it is important to plan time alone. This may look different depending on what stage your children are at, but it is important nonetheless. I know that for us, we make it a priority to put the kids to bed early each night so that we have those nighttime hours to talk uninterrupted. Sometimes we use this time to have a romantic candlelit dinner or we do something simple like sprawling on the floor with sushi while watching Netflix. Whatever it is, it is our time to stay connected.
Lastly, make a plan to go to bed at the same time. Schedules don't always allow this but when at all possible make an effort to adjust your schedule to your husbands. This will help strengthen you as a team, give you more opportunities to send him off in the morning and keep your family on schedule as well as nurture physical love in your marriage.
Steps 3 - 9 to be continued....
The two chapters we covered last week were called A Heart That Loves Part 1 and Part 2. So far these were my favorite chapters in the book. Author Elizabeth George first talks about deciding to make your husband your number one priority. This really struck home with me. I think that it is so easy at times to take for granted our husbands and put our efforts towards other relationships. Or worse yet, choose the advice, comfort or company of someone else over that of our husbands. Genesis 2:24 talks about how we are to leave our parents and cleave to our mate. Our husband should be our number one priority after God and the way we spend our time should reflect that.
We are also called to choose our husbands over all other human relationships. Including our children. I know this can sometimes be hard for a mother to grasp, especially when you have young children. The drive to nurture and care for these little people who are a part of us can sometimes out shadow the feeling to care for and love on our husbands. It is important to remember that these children wouldn't even exist without the relationship that first occurred between your husband and yourself. And one day when all the children are gone, you will find yourself in that place where you started. Just you and him. How foolish of us to neglect this important relationship that will continue on well past our child raising years!
Here is the part that made me fall in love with these two chapters. She lays out "nine tried-and-true ways to groom yourself in the fine art of showering your husband with friendship love." Doesn't get much easier than that! Okay, living it out can sometimes be hard but having this reminder sure does help:
1. Pray for Your Husband Daily - It is so important that we are lifting our spouse up in prayer. From his relationship with God, to his job, to his ministry involvements. Make this a priority. This goes for those of you with husbands who aren't Christians as well. God's role is to save your husband and your role is to pray fervently as you continue to love him and serve him. I love her point also that as you invest your time in praying for your husband you will notice your heart warming to him. It is really hard to be mad at someone you are praying for!
2. Plan For Your Husband Daily - To be that supportive wife God wants us to be, we must make a plan each day to do so. From planning special deeds of kindness to planning special dinners it is important that we consider our husbands needs and make an effort to meet them when possible. Last week I decided I would lighten Jeremy's load by running out all the trash and changing the cat litter so he wouldn't have to do it when he got home. He noticed right away and really appreciated what I had done for him which made me feel good as well!
For those of us with children it is important to plan time alone. This may look different depending on what stage your children are at, but it is important nonetheless. I know that for us, we make it a priority to put the kids to bed early each night so that we have those nighttime hours to talk uninterrupted. Sometimes we use this time to have a romantic candlelit dinner or we do something simple like sprawling on the floor with sushi while watching Netflix. Whatever it is, it is our time to stay connected.
Lastly, make a plan to go to bed at the same time. Schedules don't always allow this but when at all possible make an effort to adjust your schedule to your husbands. This will help strengthen you as a team, give you more opportunities to send him off in the morning and keep your family on schedule as well as nurture physical love in your marriage.
Steps 3 - 9 to be continued....
Friday, January 7, 2011
The kind of wife I want to be
I touched on the subject of submission, service and sex last year after attending a women's conference at my church. God has really been hitting home this subject for me lately and I feel convicted not only to work on myself as a wife but to speak out on the subject as it is so important. It is devastating to me that the divorce rate is so high and even more crushing that the rate is equally as high among Christians. Obviously we are going about it totally wrong. I recently brought up the book we are studying in my women's small group, A Woman After God's Own Heart, which has continued to remind me of what my priorities should be as a Christian woman.
This week we are reading the first two of four chapters about how to make our husbands a priority. These chapters are entitled A Heart That Serves and A Heart That Follows. I love how Elizabeth George talks about serving our husbands. She first points out that as followers of Christ we should all have a servants heart, married or not. This attitude of service should start at home, specifically with your husband. She goes onto define a helper, as described in Genesis 2:18. A helper is one who shares man's responsibilities, responds to his nature with understanding and love, and wholeheartedly cooperates with him in working out the plan of God. You see we are to team with our husband. This idea of team should eliminate any sense of competition which is why there can only be one head of the household. If we as women are competing for that position we are working against our husbands and ultimately against God's plan.
I furthermore love how gracefully Elizabeth describes our calling to follow our husbands. First of all, a husband's calling as head of the household does not mean that a wife isn't to offer wise input, be a part of discussion or question the decision-making process for clarification. The husband's headship means that he is responsible for the final decision. In the end our husbands are accountable to God for their leadership decisions and we are accountable to God for how we follow that leadership. If you ask me, we as wives get off easy! She talks about the fact that the main reason wives hesitate in following their husbands is fear. Fear of what will happen if our husbands choose to do things differently than we do. This is where faith comes in. Ultimately we must have faith in God's plan and faith in our husbands. And we must remember that it is a choice. We are not forced into submission but instead are given the privilege of choosing to do so.
Already as I have read and prayed on what I am reading, God has begun to bless me in this area. I have noticed that my desire to put my husband before myself has increased as I have spent time making an effort to do so. It is often my first instinct to question or weigh in on every decision he makes...how irritating that must be. So I have made a choice to stop and bite my tongue when I have the urge to do this. I think about if I am about to speak up just to have a say or because it is something I feel strongly about. If it is not the latter I don't say anything. Not that I won't share my opinion if he asks, but I don't offer it freely on every decision. It is unnecessary. The second thing I have been working on this week is serving him. I try to get up each morning and think about how I can make his day easier. So often in the past I have gotten wrapped up in the things I have to get done and how he could make my life easier or my to do list shorter. I am working on reversing that thinking and putting his list first and making myself available to help wherever I am needed. Sometimes these are big things, sometimes it is just pouring his coffee and bringing it to him. He isn't asking or expecting me to do this, I am doing it by choice. And quite frankly, it is empowering. So often women think about serving their men and relate it to being oppressed or enslaved. But when it is your choice, especially a choice made to align your will with God's, it is absolutely an empowering choice to be made. I know that I am taking a step to creating the kind of marriage that God intended us to have and only good can come of that. And my husband being the kind-hearted man of God that he is reciprocates this kind of behavior. We are both having our needs met without putting ourselves first....go figure!
I am excited (as is my husband:) to continue next week with the chapters on A Heart That Loves. I know that God has great things in store for us as I continue to work on being a wife his heart. My prayer is that you will look at your role as a wife and pray on the areas that God is calling you to make changes. I promise that He will work wonders if you allow him to.
This week we are reading the first two of four chapters about how to make our husbands a priority. These chapters are entitled A Heart That Serves and A Heart That Follows. I love how Elizabeth George talks about serving our husbands. She first points out that as followers of Christ we should all have a servants heart, married or not. This attitude of service should start at home, specifically with your husband. She goes onto define a helper, as described in Genesis 2:18. A helper is one who shares man's responsibilities, responds to his nature with understanding and love, and wholeheartedly cooperates with him in working out the plan of God. You see we are to team with our husband. This idea of team should eliminate any sense of competition which is why there can only be one head of the household. If we as women are competing for that position we are working against our husbands and ultimately against God's plan.
I furthermore love how gracefully Elizabeth describes our calling to follow our husbands. First of all, a husband's calling as head of the household does not mean that a wife isn't to offer wise input, be a part of discussion or question the decision-making process for clarification. The husband's headship means that he is responsible for the final decision. In the end our husbands are accountable to God for their leadership decisions and we are accountable to God for how we follow that leadership. If you ask me, we as wives get off easy! She talks about the fact that the main reason wives hesitate in following their husbands is fear. Fear of what will happen if our husbands choose to do things differently than we do. This is where faith comes in. Ultimately we must have faith in God's plan and faith in our husbands. And we must remember that it is a choice. We are not forced into submission but instead are given the privilege of choosing to do so.
Already as I have read and prayed on what I am reading, God has begun to bless me in this area. I have noticed that my desire to put my husband before myself has increased as I have spent time making an effort to do so. It is often my first instinct to question or weigh in on every decision he makes...how irritating that must be. So I have made a choice to stop and bite my tongue when I have the urge to do this. I think about if I am about to speak up just to have a say or because it is something I feel strongly about. If it is not the latter I don't say anything. Not that I won't share my opinion if he asks, but I don't offer it freely on every decision. It is unnecessary. The second thing I have been working on this week is serving him. I try to get up each morning and think about how I can make his day easier. So often in the past I have gotten wrapped up in the things I have to get done and how he could make my life easier or my to do list shorter. I am working on reversing that thinking and putting his list first and making myself available to help wherever I am needed. Sometimes these are big things, sometimes it is just pouring his coffee and bringing it to him. He isn't asking or expecting me to do this, I am doing it by choice. And quite frankly, it is empowering. So often women think about serving their men and relate it to being oppressed or enslaved. But when it is your choice, especially a choice made to align your will with God's, it is absolutely an empowering choice to be made. I know that I am taking a step to creating the kind of marriage that God intended us to have and only good can come of that. And my husband being the kind-hearted man of God that he is reciprocates this kind of behavior. We are both having our needs met without putting ourselves first....go figure!
I am excited (as is my husband:) to continue next week with the chapters on A Heart That Loves. I know that God has great things in store for us as I continue to work on being a wife his heart. My prayer is that you will look at your role as a wife and pray on the areas that God is calling you to make changes. I promise that He will work wonders if you allow him to.
Monday, November 15, 2010
A Woman After God's Own Heart
I am so excited to be diving into a new book with my woman's Bible study. We have chosen A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George. This wasn't even my first choice but as I browse through it and begin to look at the message I realize that this is exactly the book I need to be reading in this moment and time. It deals with the topic of priorities starting with God and moving through husband, children, our homes and our ministry. This is an area where I have been really convicted lately. I feel like I am not being a good steward of the time God has given me, especially when it comes to home and family.
I was just doing a devotional last night that touched on Proverbs 31:27 "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat of the bread of idleness." This is something that I need to be praying on daily. Not only does it remind me that I am in charge of the presentation of our home, but that watching over the affairs of my household includes being aware of the needs of my family members. I am lucky that I am able to stay home to raise my children and meet my husband when he walks in the front door. I want to treat that job with the respect it deserves and give it my all. I can honestly say I am not doing that at this point.
I look forward to sharing more with you as I get into this book as I know that God is going to use it in powerful ways to speak to where I am at in life right now. I love that He is patient with us as we grow into the women of God He has designed us to be. I know that this will be a life long transformation and I pray that I will continue to do it with an open heart and that God makes me transparent so that in the areas I stumble He can be glorified.
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