The kind of wife I want to be

I touched on the subject of submission, service and sex last year after attending a women's conference at my church. God has really been hitting home this subject for me lately and I feel convicted not only to work on myself as a wife but to speak out on the subject as it is so important. It is devastating to me that the divorce rate is so high and even more crushing that the rate is equally as high among Christians. Obviously we are going about it totally wrong. I recently brought up the book we are studying in my women's small group, A Woman After God's Own Heart, which has continued to remind me of what my priorities should be as a Christian woman.

This week we are reading the first two of four chapters about how to make our husbands a priority. These chapters are entitled A Heart That Serves and A Heart That Follows. I love how Elizabeth George talks about serving our husbands. She first points out that as followers of Christ we should all have a servants heart, married or not. This attitude of service should start at home, specifically with your husband. She goes onto define a helper, as described in Genesis 2:18. A helper is one who shares man's responsibilities, responds to his nature with understanding and love, and wholeheartedly cooperates with him in working out the plan of God. You see we are to team with our husband. This idea of team should eliminate any sense of competition which is why there can only be one head of the household. If we as women are competing for that position we are working against our husbands and ultimately against God's plan.

I furthermore love how gracefully Elizabeth describes our calling to follow our husbands. First of all, a husband's calling as head of the household does not mean that a wife isn't to offer wise input, be a part of discussion or question the decision-making process for clarification. The husband's headship means that he is responsible for the final decision. In the end our husbands are accountable to God for their leadership decisions and we are accountable to God for how we follow that leadership. If you ask me, we as wives get off easy! She talks about the fact that the main reason wives hesitate in following their husbands is fear. Fear of what will happen if our husbands choose to do things differently than we do. This is where faith comes in. Ultimately we must have faith in God's plan and faith in our husbands. And we must remember that it is a choice. We are not forced into submission but instead are given the privilege of choosing to do so. 

Already as I have read and prayed on what I am reading, God has begun to bless me in this area. I have noticed that my desire to put my husband before myself has increased as I have spent time making an effort to do so. It is often my first instinct to question or weigh in on every decision he makes...how irritating that must be. So I have made a choice to stop and bite my tongue when I have the urge to do this. I think about if I am about to speak up just to have a say or because it is something I feel strongly about. If it is not the latter I don't say anything. Not that I won't share my opinion if he asks, but I don't offer it freely on every decision. It is unnecessary. The second thing I have been working on this week is serving him. I try to get up each morning and think about how I can make his day easier. So often in the past I have gotten wrapped up in the things I have to get done and how he could make my life easier or my to do list shorter. I am working on reversing that thinking and putting his list first and making myself available to help wherever I am needed. Sometimes these are big things, sometimes it is just pouring his coffee and bringing it to him. He isn't asking or expecting me to do this, I am doing it by choice. And quite frankly, it is empowering. So often women think about serving their men and relate it to being oppressed or enslaved. But when it is your choice, especially a choice made to align your will with God's, it is absolutely an empowering choice to be made. I know that I am taking a step to creating the kind of marriage that God intended us to have and only good can come of that. And my husband being the kind-hearted man of God that he is reciprocates this kind of behavior. We are both having our needs met without putting ourselves first....go figure!

I am excited (as is my husband:) to continue next week with the chapters on A Heart That Loves. I know that God has great things in store for us as I continue to work on being a wife his heart. My prayer is that you will look at your role as a wife and pray on the areas that God is calling you to make changes. I promise that He will work wonders if you allow him to.




 

Submission, Service and...SEX

Yes, I used the word sex in my title! For those of you looking for something graphic, sorry you came to the wrong place. For those of you who turn red faced just reading the word, don't worry I am just talking briefly about the importance of sex in a marriage.

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending a women's conference at my church called Pursue. One component of this conference was a series of workshops in the afternoon. They offered 8 total and we were allowed to choose 2. I was immediately drawn to the Pursuing Your Husband and Pursuing Your Children workshops as wife and mother are the two main roles in my life. I wanted to share with you all what I got out of the husband workshop as I felt it gave me a lot to think and pray about and could be beneficial to other women trying to become better wives.

The first thing we discussed was submission. Why is it important to submit to our husband's? To answer this we dug into God's word. Here is the list of verses we looked at:
Genesis 3:16, Proverbs 21:9, Titus 2:3-5, 1 Corinthians 11:3, 1 Corinthians 11:8-9, Ephesians 5:22, 24; 1 Peter3:1-2. I think that after reading these verses you will see God's clear calling for wives. It is our duty to submit to our husbands, to give him the role as head of the household because this is what is pleasing to God. Is this easy to do? Not for most women. We are raised to be independent and strong and believe we can do it all on our own. And there is nothing wrong with that. But once we are married, we are to give that control over to our husbands. Does that mean we are always going to trust our husband's to make the right decisions? No, but that is where trust in God comes in. Trust that He will guide your husband to lead your household in a way that is pleasing to Him. I urge all of you wives out there to look at your relationship, look at areas where you try to take all the control. Try to let go of just one thing. You will be amazed at how God will begin to use your husband.

The second thing we talked about was service. What does serving your husband look like and why is it important? Once again, we dove right into God's word for this:
Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 31:20, 27; Matthew 20:26-28, Luke 10:27, Romans 15:2, Ephesians 4:29. The simple answer to the question of why we serve our husbands is because in doing so we are serving God. Our pastor often says that those who are considered greatest in the world's eyes are those who HAVE servants while those considered greatest in God's eyes are those who ARE servants. Jesus came here to serve and that is what we are called to do as well. And that starts at home. One thing we were asked to do was to try to do something you don't normally do for your husband, something that will be out of the norm so he knows that you are serving him. This may be something as simple as taking out the trash so that he has time to relax or do something else.

Finally we get to the juiciest of the s words...sex. So often Christian women are taught to feel dirty about sex. We focus so much on why it is wrong before marriage that we forget to focus on why it is important after marriage. Men are sexual creatures, this is how they experience intimacy. If we as wives are not meeting these sexual needs, they will find other ways to meet them. Here are some verses that touch on what God says about sex:
Genesis 1:28, Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 5:19, Song of Songs 7:10, 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, 9; Ephesians 5:24, Hebrews 13:4. Here God talks about how our bodies are not just ours alone but also our husband's and how we are not to deprive them of it. It is our job to protect our husbands from the temptations that they encounter each day. If they are having their needs met at home, these temptations won't be nearly as powerful. So before your husband heads off for a business trip or a hunting trip or a day at a water park (hello, half-naked women) make sure that he is taken care of. I think often we as women put sex at the bottom of our list of things to do. There is just so much more going on in a day. But I think the more you read God's word and pray about it you will realize not only how important it is to your husband but also to your marriage. And when you also realize that this is a gift that God has given us to enjoy with our spouse, it becomes that much more special.

I know that I took a lot away from this and I am continuing to spend time in God's word and praying so that I can do a better job of being the wife God wants me to be and my husband deserves to have. All of these are areas that I need work in and I am slowly making an effort to put myself aside and make room for what God has in store for me. I am already seeing the fruit of this as I submit myself to God's amazing design for me as a wife.