Submission, Service and...SEX

Yes, I used the word sex in my title! For those of you looking for something graphic, sorry you came to the wrong place. For those of you who turn red faced just reading the word, don't worry I am just talking briefly about the importance of sex in a marriage.

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending a women's conference at my church called Pursue. One component of this conference was a series of workshops in the afternoon. They offered 8 total and we were allowed to choose 2. I was immediately drawn to the Pursuing Your Husband and Pursuing Your Children workshops as wife and mother are the two main roles in my life. I wanted to share with you all what I got out of the husband workshop as I felt it gave me a lot to think and pray about and could be beneficial to other women trying to become better wives.

The first thing we discussed was submission. Why is it important to submit to our husband's? To answer this we dug into God's word. Here is the list of verses we looked at:
Genesis 3:16, Proverbs 21:9, Titus 2:3-5, 1 Corinthians 11:3, 1 Corinthians 11:8-9, Ephesians 5:22, 24; 1 Peter3:1-2. I think that after reading these verses you will see God's clear calling for wives. It is our duty to submit to our husbands, to give him the role as head of the household because this is what is pleasing to God. Is this easy to do? Not for most women. We are raised to be independent and strong and believe we can do it all on our own. And there is nothing wrong with that. But once we are married, we are to give that control over to our husbands. Does that mean we are always going to trust our husband's to make the right decisions? No, but that is where trust in God comes in. Trust that He will guide your husband to lead your household in a way that is pleasing to Him. I urge all of you wives out there to look at your relationship, look at areas where you try to take all the control. Try to let go of just one thing. You will be amazed at how God will begin to use your husband.

The second thing we talked about was service. What does serving your husband look like and why is it important? Once again, we dove right into God's word for this:
Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 31:20, 27; Matthew 20:26-28, Luke 10:27, Romans 15:2, Ephesians 4:29. The simple answer to the question of why we serve our husbands is because in doing so we are serving God. Our pastor often says that those who are considered greatest in the world's eyes are those who HAVE servants while those considered greatest in God's eyes are those who ARE servants. Jesus came here to serve and that is what we are called to do as well. And that starts at home. One thing we were asked to do was to try to do something you don't normally do for your husband, something that will be out of the norm so he knows that you are serving him. This may be something as simple as taking out the trash so that he has time to relax or do something else.

Finally we get to the juiciest of the s words...sex. So often Christian women are taught to feel dirty about sex. We focus so much on why it is wrong before marriage that we forget to focus on why it is important after marriage. Men are sexual creatures, this is how they experience intimacy. If we as wives are not meeting these sexual needs, they will find other ways to meet them. Here are some verses that touch on what God says about sex:
Genesis 1:28, Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 5:19, Song of Songs 7:10, 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, 9; Ephesians 5:24, Hebrews 13:4. Here God talks about how our bodies are not just ours alone but also our husband's and how we are not to deprive them of it. It is our job to protect our husbands from the temptations that they encounter each day. If they are having their needs met at home, these temptations won't be nearly as powerful. So before your husband heads off for a business trip or a hunting trip or a day at a water park (hello, half-naked women) make sure that he is taken care of. I think often we as women put sex at the bottom of our list of things to do. There is just so much more going on in a day. But I think the more you read God's word and pray about it you will realize not only how important it is to your husband but also to your marriage. And when you also realize that this is a gift that God has given us to enjoy with our spouse, it becomes that much more special.

I know that I took a lot away from this and I am continuing to spend time in God's word and praying so that I can do a better job of being the wife God wants me to be and my husband deserves to have. All of these are areas that I need work in and I am slowly making an effort to put myself aside and make room for what God has in store for me. I am already seeing the fruit of this as I submit myself to God's amazing design for me as a wife.

That is one big zucchini!!

The muffins(above)

The individually packaged portions(below)

Shredded zucchini(above)

Pureed zucchini (below)

The giant zucchini!!!

We are blessed enough to have both family and friends who grow their own gardens and love to share produce with us. But sometimes we get so much it seems overwhelming to try to use it all. Jeremy's grandpa always gives us the biggest zucchini's and for the longest time I had no idea what to do with them. So I thought I would share with you all what I did with this last zucchini.

Here's what you will need: a cutting board and knife, a food processor, spatula, measuring cups, ziploc sandwhich size bags, and a marker. What I do is cut the zucchini in half and put half of it in the food processor to be pureed. This is for my muffin recipe. I use the spatula to fill up the 1 cup measuring cup, then put it in a ziploc that has been marked with what it is and the date. Once that half of the zucchini is done, I put the other half into the food processor to grate or shred. This is for my zucchini bread recipe. This calls for 2 cup portions so that is what I put in each ziploc, again writing what it is and the date on the bag. When finished they all go in the freezer. Now I have individually bagged portions of zucchini that I just pull out and defrost when I am ready to bake with them! From the zucchini pictured I got enough to make 5 dozen muffins and 9 loaves of bread. Here are my recipes (kindly passed on from my mother-in-law) if you are interested:

Zucchini Muffins:

1 c sugar

1 c pureed zucchini

1 egg

1/4 c cooking oil

1 1/2 c flour

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 to 1 cup chocolate chips

Mix the first four ingredients together in a large bowl. Then combine all remaining ingredients except chocolate chips in a smaller bowl and mix. Add that to the wet ingredients and stir until combined. Add in chocolate chips. Divide evenly among greased 12 muffin pan. Set oven to 350 degrees and bake for 20 to 25 minutes. Remove immediately with knife and let cool on a rack.

Zucchini Bread:

3 eggs

1 c vegetable oil

2 c sugar

2 tsp vanilla

3 c flour

2 tsp baking powder

2 tsp baking soda

1/2 to 1 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

3/4 tsp nutmeg

2 c grated zucchini

1 (8.5 oz) can crushed pineapple, drained

1 c nuts (optional)

Beat eggs in oil until thick and foaming. Add sugar and vanilla. Combine all dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Gently stir into the egg mixture until blended. Stir in zucchini, pineapple and nuts. Divide evenly between 2 grease and floured 9x5" loaf pans. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

My little apple thieves

Oh how I wish I had a camera with me at the grocery store today. We stopped in to just pick up a handful of items so Nathan was in the back of the cart and Jordan was in the seat. The first thing Jeremy puts back there with Nathan is a bag of apples and him and Jordan immediately start grabbing for them. That has been their favorite thing lately to just eat whole apples. But we told them they had to wait until we paid for them and could have one once we got home and I washed them. So we kept them fairly distracted as we picked up the few other things we had to get and decided to use self-checkout since we had so little in our cart. Jeremy takes charge of that, starting with the bag of apples and continuing with the rest of the items and I am watching to see what he is doing and helping him flag down the cashier to help with a coupon we had. No sooner had he checked out and was in the process of paying then I look over and see Jordan chomping away on an apple. I was surprised and looked passed him to see Nathan eating one too. The bag was still by Jeremy at the checkout so they must of each grabbed one before he scanned it! And you should have seen the looks on their faces, they were so proud of themselves. I just had to laugh. And then we immediately went over and found out how much it was for 2 apples and paid the cashier for them. It was just one of those moments when we obviously had to explain to them what why they shouldn't do that and what they need to do different next time, but couldn't help but laugh to each other after the fact. They were just so sneaky!!

Discernment vs. Condemnation

One of the mommy sites I am on has a number of groups that you can participate in, post questions, thoughts, start debates. Needless to say it can get heated. And whether in a Christian or non-Christian group, the question of judgement often gets brought up. So I thought that I would spend some time trying to find out what the Bible says about judgement. What I have found says that there is a difference between judgement and discernment. I think this was educational to me because while I have always thought it wrong to judge, I have found it to be pretty near impossible. Now realizing there is a difference between judging and discernment, I feel like I have a better idea of what God is asking of us in this area. Please feel free to add any knowledge you have on this topic, as I have just stared looking into it and would like to know as much as I can. This is what I read about it on www.livinghopeofgod.org :


Discernment

The following Greek verbs describe the scope and action of discernment:
dokimazo = to test, to examine; to interpret, to discover; to approve; to prove, to demonstrateanakrino = to ask questions, to examine; to evaluate, to scrutinize, to investigate; to search outdiakrino = to make a distinction (between persons); to weigh thoroughly each partpeirazo = to assay, to examine; to prove, to try

Judgment
This Greek verb is used in Scripture to describe the scope and action of judgment:
krino = to pass judgment on, to sentence; to mentally or judicially condemn; to conclude, to decide, to determine



Six Basic Indications that Expose a Judgmental Spirit
1. If his failure improves the opinion I have of myself, I am judging.

2. If his failure decreases my concern for the faults I know I have, I am judging.

3. If his failure gives me a desire to see that he is punished, I am judging.

4. If I am eager to tell others about his failure, I am judging.

5. If his failure prompts me to review his past failures, I am judging.

6. If his failure causes me to feel that I cannot forgive him, I am judging



Six Basic Factors of Discernment vs. Judgmental Spirit
1. One who discern will thoroughly examine himself before evaluating the actions of others.(Galatians 6:4; 1 Corinthians 11:28, 31; 2 Corinthians 13:5)
2. One who discerns will check the accuracy of all facts and related factors before reaching a conclusion.(1 Corinthians 2:15; 1 Thessalonians 5:21; 1 John 4:1)
3. One who discerns will deal as privately as possible with the problems he sees.(1 Corinthians 6:5-6)
4. One who judges will condemn others for their visible problems but fail to realize that their attitudes stem from root problems which he himself has not yet overcome.(Romans 2:1; 14:10)
5. One who judges will form opinions on first impressions or hearsay, and then he will look for evidence to confirm his opinions, even though, the evidence may be out of context.(John 7:24, 51; James 4:11)
6. One who judges will publicly expose those whom he condemns. This may cause others to condemn him for having the same root problem such as pride, lack of love, or a critical spirit.(Luke 6:37)
A discerning Christian is one detects a fault in another and is able to give clear direction for victory based on the principles of God’s Word and his own application of them. On this basis he is able to restore an offending brother rather than reject him. (See Galatians 6:1)

Kids eat free!

Found a site that shows you all the restaurants in your area where kids eat free. Just enter zip code and a list will appear. Click on the restaurant name for specific dates and any restrictions as well as a map of the restaurant location. Enjoy:)

www.kidseatfor.com

Getting ready for a party!

Jordan is going to be 2 in a little over 2 weeks which means we are busy preparing for his party. Since we only have family come I try to make it special by hand-making invitations for the boys' birthdays. Right now he is really into Curious George so that's the theme. I just finished up the invitations last night and am pretty pleased with how they came out. We also got the shopping done yesterday. All the party supplies are bought as well as his gifts. They had a display with the dinosaur pictured above at Toys R' Us and as soon as Jeremy started playing with it, I knew it was going to be "THE" gift. We got him a few smaller things to go with it and so we are done with that part! Now on to the food planning...

Who doesn't like free stuff?

Just wanted to share another site with all of you who like free stuff!! These are mostly samples and I signed up for everything from cereal, to tea, to perfume, to cell phone holder, and even a potty training kit along with pull-ups, coupons, chart with stickers and Diego or Dora trophy. Hope you all find some stuff you like:)

www.freakinfreebies.com

Live and love with purpose

While I was sitting in the quiet of my house making invitations for my sons second birthday party, God impressed on me a thought that I felt compelled to share with you all. I want to begin by asking if you love what you do? The job you have, whether it be fireman, grocery checker, school principal, or stay at home mom…do you love it? I knew from very young that I wanted to be a wife and a mom. No matter what other things I aspired to be when I grew up, those were two that never changed. In fact, before I left for college I informed my mom that I was only going there until I met my rich husband and then I wouldn’t need to finish school because I would be a full time wife and mom. Well, I did meet my husband and still finished school. And while by no standards rich, he worked hard at what he does to get us to a place where I can stay home to be the wife and mom I want to be. Is it everything I thought it would be? No way!! Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking but it also brings me joy in ways I never could have imagined. Do I love it? Not always but I can’t fathom anything that I would love more. So my next question is whatever it is you do and whether you love it or not, do you make the most of it? Do you wake up each day thinking I am going to do my best at what I do today and I am going to find joy in it where I can? I can guess that many would say no. I would have to say no myself. I am ashamed by how much I take what I have for granted. So many moms would kill to be in my shoes and I often don’t appreciate it for what it’s worth. I don’t make the most of my time with my kids. My house is by no means spick and span most of the time. My husband doesn’t have his every need met. All things I thought I would be doing if I was staying home. Of course life gets in the way and nothing is ever going to be perfect but if I continue to be honest I can say that most of it is lack of effort on my part. Laziness. An ungratefulness for what I have been given in my life and why I have been given it. Do you realize that you are who you are and where you are for a purpose? God created you to be the age you are right now for a reason. You live where you do, have the family and friends you do, attend the church you do and yes, have the job you do for a purpose. Now some of you might be thinking, “Well, thanks a lot God. What did I ever do to you!” But if you really stop and think about it, it’s amazing. You are that special that everything you are was predestined in a way that would serve God. When I think of it in that way, I truly feel ashamed by the way I waste my blessings. How can I not get up each day and try to be the best wife and mother I can? How can I not find joy in all I do when it has been given to me by God? What a humbling thought. As I pray on this for myself tonight, I just ask all of you reading this to look at where you are in your life and ask yourself if you are living like it’s a gift from God. Does everything you do at work and home display your gratefulness for all you have been given? Do you live like you have a purpose?

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:1).

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully (Romans 12:4-8).

Online Coupons

It's grocery shopping day, which in my house means lots of coupon cutting. Thought I would pass on some great sites I have been using to help us save money at the grocery store. Feel free to share any that you know of that I am missing:)

These 3 sites allow you to put coupons straight onto your grocery card (like Safeway, etc)
http://www.shortcuts.com/
http://www.pgesaver.com/
www.safeway.com/IFL/Grocery/Digital-Coupons

Printable coupons
http://www.coupons.com/
http://www.coupons.smartsource.com/
http://coupons.redplum.com/CouponMom/

I also recommend going to your favorite brands websites for coupons. They have some really good ones at Ronzoni and Uncle Ben's to name a few. Happy cheaper shopping~~

I remember

On the morning of September 11th, terrorists hijacked four commercial jet planes and attempted to fly them into several U.S. targets. One of the planes, American Airlines Flight 11, crashed into Tower One of the World Trade Center at 8:50 AM. United Airlines Flight 175 crashed into Tower Two at 9:04 AM. As the world watched Tower Two collapsed to the ground at about 10:00 AM. Unfortunately, this horrible scene was duplicated at 10:30 AM when Tower One crashed to the ground. This terrorist attack brought about the death of approximately 3,000 men, women and children from nations around the world. ~ from : http://americanhistory.about.com/od/terroris1/p/wtc_September11.htm

I know that I will never forget that day. Where I was, how I found out, the feeling of helplessness that everyone shared. I was a sophmore in college at WSU and was awoken by my mom calling bright and early. "You need to get up and watch the news," she said when I answered. I was like, are you kidding? Why would I get up this early to watch the news? She preceded to tell me what had happened. I rushed to turn on the tv in time to see the second plane crash. I just watched in complete disbelief. My first thought was to wake up my roommate whose dad was in the military. Surely this would effect her more than me. If you knew my roommate at the time you won't be surprised to now she wanted nothing to do with getting out of bed. So I just sat and watched by myself. Overwhelming footage of people in complete disarray. News anchors breaking down from the trauma of it all. I remember thinking about how this was going to change our world as we knew it. Would we go to war? Would the war come here and disrupt our everyday life? Would they start attacking more cities? Where would it be safe to go? All I could do was pray. I went to work that night and as customers came through they all wanted to talk about what had happened. You could tell there was a strong need to connect to others who were feeling as helpless as they did.

I will never forget the images of people falling from those buildings. I will never forget the fireman, policeman and other service people who risked their own lives to help those in need. I will never forget watching children on tv leaving signs trying to find their moms and dads, pleading to the camera through tears. I will never forget how people came together for a long time after that. I WILL NEVER FORGET.

Our first small group!!

Feeling extremely blessed this morning as God continues to answer our prayers in big ways. For so long we have been longing to be part of a church family and after Jeremy's shift restructuring at work we were able to start attending Real Life Ministries. We have just loved the time we have spent there. We have been praying for a long time to get into an active church where we can begin to meet other couples and families who we would have something in common with. Our church is so large that they rely on small groups to keep everyone connected. One of the first times Jeremy went to the men's breakfast he got hooked up with a guy who was starting a new home group in our area. It happens to be a couples group and they all have kids. Yesterday was the start of the new year so we all got together for a BBQ to get to know each other. It was a really great time and it is getting me so excited for weekly fellowship with these other couples. Another prayer I have had (you can look back several blogs:) was to become more versed in my faith. To dig deeper into the word and be able to speak it from memory and a place of understanding. I found out last night that the way this group works is that we break down a book in the bible and take turns weekly memorizing a story from that book and reciting it back to the group without taking anything away or adding anything to the word. We then reconstruct the story as a group, read it from the bible to see if we added or took anything away, and then discuss what we learned about God and man in the story. Talk about truly learning my Bible!! I didn't think this would happen in such a public fashion, but I have learned that when you ask God for something you had better be prepared because you never know the form in which it will come:)

"Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus, so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God." Romans 15:5-7

Proud mommy moment

I just had to take a moment to reflect on this past week with Nathan. The day after he turned 3 he got moved up to the next class at church. He now has "homework" that is optional but gives you stuff to discuss at home, activities for him to do that revolve around that discussion and a bible verse to memorize. I can't really put into words how neat it was spending the week talking to him about how we are kind to those who are unkind because Jesus loves them so we need to also. He had to draw a picture about how he would be kind to someone who was unkind and he responded, "I would hug and kiss them." Still makes me giggle because it's so cute:) I wasn't sure how he would do with memorizing a Bible verse but he has always been great at picking up songs really quick as well as things he sees on tv so he got it really fast. We did hand motions with it to make it more memorable and even Jordan does those along with us now! So Nathan has officially memorized his first Bible verse and I couldn't be more proud.

1 John 4:19 ~ We love, because God loved us first.

Daily Deals

Alright all you deal lovers! Wanted to share a great site I found. I have recently been introduced to woot.com which is a daily deal site that presents 1 item at a deal everyday. I began to wonder if there were other sites like that out there. After a little research I found 1 site that displays all daily deal sites on one page. You can scroll down and see a picture and description of what every site is offering that day as well as how many of those items are left and what you are saving. There are probably over 30 sites displayed and you can access any of them from this one site. The offers range from kids toys to outdoors gear to jewelry. You never know what you will find. As Christmas approaches (yes, I realize it's only early September!) we like to start slowly shopping and finding the best deals so we can get the most for our money. This is something that I can quickly scan over each day to see if there is anything of interest. Hope this helps you all out as well!

www.dodtracker.com/oneaday/

Awarding filth

Are you aware that Family Guy has received an Emmy nomination for Best Comedy? Really...that's award winning comedy? I am sorry but I find that show to be filthy and degrading. I can totally appreciate some off color humor once and awhile but this show is constantly pushing the envelope for being offensive and vile. If you would like to speak out against this, visit this site to send a prewritten letter to the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences:

http://www.onemillionmoms.com/IssueDetail.asp?id=335

What a great day!

I am such a lucky girl! My boys were so good to me yesterday and it made for a great birthday. They attempted to let me sleep in, but I think I have become incapable. As soon as I hear them I am just up. But I obliged and stayed in bed awhile. They were sweet enough to make me breakfast and Jeremy took care of the dishes. They sang to me, so cute! Then I got to open my presents. I got a compact bible which I have been wanting so I can have something easier for church. It is leatherbound and came with a carrying case and mini tabs. They also got me a Brandon Heath CD and a game for the Wii. We went out to a nice lunch at Tomato Street and while the kids were down I went shopping at Michaels. The night before we had gotten together with all the inlaws for another birthday and I received several gift cards, plus the money from mom and dad and grandma so in the afternoon we dropped off the kids at gma and papa's and went shopping. I got a great deal at Borders, 6 books for $50! Then to Bath and Body Works which was having an awesome sale so I made a haul there as well. I debated getting shoes, but passed them up for some new clothes, Gossip Girl season 2 (my guilty pleasure!), and Sex in the City the movie. Then Jeremy took me out to Twigs for a great dinner. All in all a great day. I feel so loved and extremely blessed:)

28 Things About Me at 28

1. I have been married 6 ½ years now.
2. My oldest son turned 3 last weekend and my youngest son will be 2 in a month.
3. I have my degree in Education but am blessed to be a stay at home mom.
4. I drink a pot of coffee a day (with almond milk, yum!).
5. I still talk to my mom almost every day when they aren’t with a missions team in Mexico.
6. I love to knit and make my own cards and would love to start scrap booking more.
7. I am thankful to live in a country where I have the freedom to worship my God. I do so proudly at Real Life Ministries in Post Falls, Idaho.
8. I love to cook. I subscribe to three cooking magazines and I try at least 3 new recipes a week.
9. I love to read, mostly chic-lit because it is light and easy and most of the characters make me feel better about myself! I have also started reading a lot more Christian Fiction.
10. When it comes to a date night, I love getting to go out somewhere nice to eat but I am just as happy ordering in sushi, getting a bottle of wine, and renting a movie.
11. I have shamefully fallen of my healthy living plan that I started in January and the weight is slowly creeping back on. This must stop, I REFUSE to keep taking the same weight off over and over again.
12. 28 feels dangerously close to 30... I may have to start freaking out early.
13. I would love to own a home. If only we could decide where home should be.
14. I have become obsessed with cutting and finding coupons. I get a thrill out of seeing how much I can save us.
15. I want to make sure I travel to Greece and Italy one day.
16. I went to Eastern longer than WSU but still feel like way more of a Cougar.
17. I love that my kids love me even though I am a complete goofball most the time. I am soaking that up before they decide I am too dorky:)
18. When my mom was 28, I was 8. I thought she seemed very mom like…old if you will (don’t kill me mom!). I wonder if my kids think that too?
19. I think everyone has the right to their own opinion. I would just like it a lot more if it was the same as mine!
20. I have written in a journal since high school and still have them all. Pretty glad that I left most of the beginning years of college out since I was so stupid then. I wonder if any one will bother to read what I have wrote one day when I am gone? And will they be surprised by the “real” me?
21. I have had cats my entire life but don’t remember a time I have really had to change the litter box.
22. I still haven’t finished my kids baby blankets, that is a must for this year!
23. I am getting wimpier in my old age, I used to love roller coasters and scary movies and they are both starting to appeal to me less and less. Being scared out of my wits no longer creates the thrill it once did.
24. I worry that 10 years from now I won’t have changed some of the stuff I don’t like about myself now.
25. I have had many a best friends but I am pretty positive that the one I have now will still be my best friend 50 years from now.
26. If I could change one thing about myself…I wish I had smaller feet. These jumbo size 10’s have never been practical. All the cutest shoes come in way smaller sizes and I have never been able to share or trade with any of my friends or my mom.
27. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self all that I know now. Maybe if I heard it from myself I would have really listened!
28. I hope that the next 28 years are as much of a blessing as these first 28 years have been.

Taking a stand

I feel like I am coming to a place in my life where I am ready. Ready to stand up for what I believe in a way I never have before. But this scares me! I don't want to be one of those people who is pushing my beliefs down others throats. I don't want to be offensive. I HATE confrontation. But I feel like more than ever before it is necessary to know what I believe and be prepared to defend it. Here is where I ask for your prayers. I need strength. I need wisdom. I need to learn to discern God's will from my own. I think only when I truly hand it over to Him will I gain the confidence I need to stand firm. I want to learn to not just have an opinion about something because it's what I feel. I want to KNOW why. I want to be able to articulate that. Lord help me!

A new kind of parenting class

I have recently joined a new networking site that is just for moms (I know, like I need another reason to be on the computer:). There are a lot of women on there who are new moms to young children and are venting about there marriage. I see a lot of anger from women who are exhausted and overwhelmed and feel like they aren't being understood by their husbands. By what they write, I see husband's who feel neglected and pushed away by their wives. Men who are still trying to be who they used to be when their life has obviously changed in a big way.

Don't so many couples go through this when they first have children? That initial shock to the family dynamic. It goes from being a two person household where each person has a certain amount of freedom to do whatever they want at any given time. There is endless alone time for the twosome. Now there is this new little person whose demands must be met and who makes alone time nearly impossible. Priorities change, freedom is at least temporarily lost, it is no longer about the marriage. I can see why it is so easy for many to crumble under this difficult situation. I can honestly say that the roughest time in our marriage came during the time our sons were first born. I think any existing communication problems are magnified when you have a baby. All the selfishness you still have now effects things in a major way. I know that I was still so selfish in our marriage until recently. And I think the kids are what really brought that to light and helped me realize where I needed to change. We both had to change.

What I wonder is why they don't make this a part of the pregnancy process. We read every book on what is going on in our body while we are pregnant, how to prepare our homes for this new little person, how to care for a new born. We take a 6 week class to prepare us for 1 day of labor. But what do we do to prepare couples for the change a baby will create in their relationship? I think that this should be a top priority. So many marriages end because people stop putting time into each other and soley focus on the kids. They never work out that communication that can break down once a baby enters the picture. I think it would be worthwhile to start making this a part of the education that takes place when preparing for a baby. It definitely would be more valuable and lasting information then much of the other stuff we bother to learn during that time.