Protecting Your Marriage

Insurance...we all have it. We insure our cars, our houses, and even our health. Yet we often don't take the time to insure one of our most valuable commodities. Our marriage. The truth is that there is an urgent need to take up arms and secure ourselves against the enemy who is trying any way he can to make us stumble and fall. One of the areas he loves to attack is marriage. “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” 1 Peter 5:8

I think that the first step to protecting marriage is to invite Christ to be the center of your union. When this relationship is given over to Him and decisions are made based on His will, it builds a strong foundation for the marriage to stand on.

Secondly, we need to guard our marriages. This means being careful about what you take in with your eyes. Temptation is everywhere these days and it is so easy to fall into the mindset that "just a little bit" is okay. That is a lie that Satan wants you to believe so that he can lead you into deeper areas of temptation and sin. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. (Ephesians 6:11)

It also means protecting your special relationship with your spouse by not trying to recreate it with another person. When we begin to share intimate details about ourselves and our marriage with a person of the opposite sex we are sharing a piece of ourselves that is only intended for our spouse. This can lead to an emotional affair which is often just as damaging as a physical affair. Another important aspect of guarding our marriage is through regular intimacy with our spouse. I have talked about this subject several times before, but I think it is worth repeating. God has created us to be intimate with our spouses. Men especially are designed to be sexual beings and one of the best ways to protect them from the temptations that bombard them daily is to make sex a regular and important part of your marriage.

Finally, stick to your commitment. Do not let divorce have a place in your vocabulary. Sadly so many people enter marriage with divorce as a back up plan. That day that you stood before your friends and family to take your vows you also stood before God and promised to love and honor "until death do you part." Too often people have translated that last part to be "until things get rough" or "until it doesn't feel good anymore." The truth is that it isn't always going to be easy and it isn't always going to feel like it did in the beginning. The true test is working through those low points. This is done through prayer, through counsel from other Christian couples who are further in their marriage and their walk with God, and choosing to do your part. The turning point for me in our marriage was realizing that it wasn't all about what he could do for me. When we both focused on meeting the other persons needs we found that we were both getting what we wanted and were happier for it. That's the way it is intended to be!

Let me close by urging you all to invest in insurance for your marriage. The cost is hard work and diligence now but the payoff is priceless in the end.

A prerequisite for marriage

Yes, I am writing this on Valentine's Day. No, it is not a sappy post about how much I love my husband. (See the post on his birthday if you are looking for something like that!) Instead I am writing about a revelation I had yesterday while putting together the boys' bunk beds with my husband.

Have you ever tried to build something with your spouse? Some piece of furniture or complicated baby item that has poorly written instructions and 10 gazillion pieces to it? If so then you probably know where I am coming from. This situation always turns into a nightmare in our house. My husband's temper is never shorter then when something isn't going the way he thinks it should which is always the case when we are putting something together.His anger quickly rubs off on me and pretty soon the whole project is abandoned mid-build. At least this is how it used to go.

We first experienced this when putting together baby cribs (have you ever done that? INSANE!) and ever since our system has been that if something is possibly a one person building job I do it because I have more patience for it. And I actually believe in following the directions. This has saved us much heartache and I have gotten quite proficient at assembling items. To the point where if I didn't hate it so much I would offer my services to others who have suffered in the same way we have. But every once in awhile there is that project that has to be done by two people. The bunk beds were just such a project. So as we embarked on what became a 3 hour journey, we knew that we were on rocky ground. This is a place in the past that has caused nothing but trouble. I am happy to say that we made it through fairly unscathed. One minor temper flair from hubby occurred but was quickly diffused and we were mostly able to laugh at ourselves and pass the time by making junior high jokes about "screwing." Hey, whatever it takes, right?

Having gotten through this felt like a milestone for us. Like we had accomplished something that all successful couples do at one point or another. We moved past one of those things that normally trigger chaos. It may have taken us nearly 7 years but we did it! This doesn't mean we are going into business assembling things with each other, and I will most likely continue to do this solo, but we now know that if the situation warrants it we can work together. This led me to the revelation that building things together should be a part of premarital counseling. On one of your sessions they should lock you both in a room with a gazillion piece project and see if you come out on the other side still wanting to get married. That sounds like a true test of a couples love! Having said that, we probably wouldn't have passed that test way back then so it's a good thing we weren't asked to. But we could do it now.  I guess that can be our Valentine's gift to each other this year.

A new kind of parenting class

I have recently joined a new networking site that is just for moms (I know, like I need another reason to be on the computer:). There are a lot of women on there who are new moms to young children and are venting about there marriage. I see a lot of anger from women who are exhausted and overwhelmed and feel like they aren't being understood by their husbands. By what they write, I see husband's who feel neglected and pushed away by their wives. Men who are still trying to be who they used to be when their life has obviously changed in a big way.

Don't so many couples go through this when they first have children? That initial shock to the family dynamic. It goes from being a two person household where each person has a certain amount of freedom to do whatever they want at any given time. There is endless alone time for the twosome. Now there is this new little person whose demands must be met and who makes alone time nearly impossible. Priorities change, freedom is at least temporarily lost, it is no longer about the marriage. I can see why it is so easy for many to crumble under this difficult situation. I can honestly say that the roughest time in our marriage came during the time our sons were first born. I think any existing communication problems are magnified when you have a baby. All the selfishness you still have now effects things in a major way. I know that I was still so selfish in our marriage until recently. And I think the kids are what really brought that to light and helped me realize where I needed to change. We both had to change.

What I wonder is why they don't make this a part of the pregnancy process. We read every book on what is going on in our body while we are pregnant, how to prepare our homes for this new little person, how to care for a new born. We take a 6 week class to prepare us for 1 day of labor. But what do we do to prepare couples for the change a baby will create in their relationship? I think that this should be a top priority. So many marriages end because people stop putting time into each other and soley focus on the kids. They never work out that communication that can break down once a baby enters the picture. I think it would be worthwhile to start making this a part of the education that takes place when preparing for a baby. It definitely would be more valuable and lasting information then much of the other stuff we bother to learn during that time.