I’m breaking my own rules already. Just a week ago, I had come to a point where
it was my life or Facebook. I was
staring down an enemy every bit as formidable as the cigarettes and coffee I
gave up two years ago. The symptoms of
withdrawal were surprisingly the same. I
would find myself staring out the window in my living room, feeling like time
was going by painfully slow. I felt
lost, without a cause. I knew inside
what the cause was…my family. The very
same reason I gave up cigarettes….my family, my children.
Today is not a great day, yesterday wasn’t either. Both days I had carelessly left the computer
on the night before and “well if it’s on already,
I might as well just check it really quick”….These thoughts are the death knell
of any productivity I might have had.
Last week was amazing though. I believe it was Tuesday I swore to myself, I
will NOT turn on the computer at all
until after 7 PM. These were the new
rules…these were the battle lines. I had
toyed with the idea of deleting my Facebook account all together, because I
know I have a problem, have had one for some time. My husband assured me that this alone would
not solve my problems, I had an addiction far worse than just some social
networking site. It was a screen addiction. Often while my Facebook is open, I would
peruse news sites and crime blogs for the worst news stories I could possibly
find. I would rationalize that it kept
me vigilant, kept me hyper aware if one day I ran into a situation where I
could spot an abused child, or heaven forbid spot someone trying to hurt my own
children (child abuse stories are king in my news search problem). So this wasn’t just some Facebook issue, this
was an internet issue. An internet addiction.
Every once in a while I would swear off news sites, and I
would do well for a month or two. But I
always go back. Facebook is another
matter entirely. I don’t think I’ve gone
over 24 hours without checking my Facebook in over a year probably. Facebook is the knarliest of opponents in my
screen addiction.
My husband and I decided timed parameters were the only way
I could face this problem of mine. And
for the first week it was wonderful. I
absolutely would not turn on my computer until after 7pm, and I got so much
done. My house had been cleaner than it
had in months, I was planning my dinners (more out of boredom because I felt
like I had no life all day), and I was spending more time with my 3 year old,
it was fabulous. I took a whole morning
to visit a friend at her house in person. I called friends on the
phone, actually listening to their voices and having real conversations. I was
living my real life, not my false internet life. Then came Sunday.
After church I had come home and thought to myself, well
“Sundays shouldn’t count!”…so I fired her up and immediately checked
Facebook. After about 20 minutes I felt
a twinge of guilt. Maybe Sundays should
count? I ask the husband. He says to me “if you make an exception
today, it will be easier to on other days”….he’s RIGHT!! So I do what any good addict does and
rationalize. I set my timer on my
microwave for 35 minutes and swear I won’t go over. That day I didn’t.
This is the beginning of a new week and it’s not going
well. Yesterday I indulged in my sweet
screen all day. I did get a couple loads
of laundry done, so all is not lost I tell myself. Today is going no better though. Not even laundry has gotten started yet and
it’s almost 1:30 in the afternoon.
The rationalizations begin:
“Oh, the baby has a cold, I probably wouldn’t get done much
anyway”, “Maybe I just can’t really do
this”….”Maybe I should just delete my Facebook account and see if that helps”.
Of course there was a time that this wasn’t a problem for
me. There was a time in another life
where I lived by myself, owned no computer, no cell phone, and had no cable
TV. It was a grand time. Then I started dating my future husband. He likes all the toys. I liked his computer. I could live to this day without all the
other things, but the computer has me hooked.
I often fantasize about getting rid of internet, how much easier it
would be, but unfortunately, we live in Canada and still have many bills in the
States, so I must handle money with online banking. Therein lies my problem. It’s a gateway. I don’t know how many times I find myself
turning on the computer to balance the books and think, oh I can just check my
Facebook really quick. It’s almost
never “really quick”.
My name is Adina and I have a screen addiction. It’s not pretty. It’s not harmless. My family suffers for it. But I will keep trying. And as Chrystal reminded me yesterday
“Tomorrow is a new day”.
Indeed it is.
Wow. Does this strike a chord with you? It does with me. Can you relate to this on any level? Honestly, I can. If you can too, what are you doing to take a stand and regain control of your life? I would love to hear your thoughts, opinions, stories. Maybe Adina has inspired you and you would like to write a post to share here...email me with your story and I would be glad to post it. This seems to be a growing epidemic so I know that some of you reading this will have something to say...hope you chime in.
